THE SIMPLICITY OF WALKING THE DOG.
Dash the dog sniffs everywhere at the moment, sniffs so much he sometimes falls into ditches. He is obsessed with the ground and I have no idea what smells there are that attract him so much.
For me, the cool smell of the earth, or the rich smell of black current bushes, the smell of daffodils and drying seaweed, the almost overpowering smell of the mudflats in the sun, these are the things I thrill to on my walks but I think Dash has no interest in such things. When we walk through wild garlic I imagine that he will be overwhelmed by his sensitive nose but he pays no attention.
I imagine he is more interested in the trace of rabbits and deer, the lingering odour of mice or of previous dogs that have passed on the trail. But really I have no idea at all.
It is a sunny day today, the magpies have been arguing with the crows in the garden, the blue tits, robins and coal tits rushing to and from the bird feeder. High in the trees the rooks caw and scatter their droppings on the pavement and cars far below. They have been busy collecting twigs and leaves for their nests. Sometimes you see them fighting over their nests and twigs rain down to the ground.
I have both windows open in the room at the top of the house. It feels very good; the lampshade swaying in the breeze, the birdsong drowning out the sound of the radio the clouds making the sunshine on the walls by turn bright and then dull. I could stay here for days, reading and writing, listening to the radio, listening to the world outside.
I am writing just now because it is the day I do my blog post and I have no material to put up. Well I do but I am fed up of old speeches that repeat the litany of grievance of the years. I am so very tired of being angry at the world and at different people and different communities; sometimes I find myself shrinking when twitter shrieks too loudly. Sometimes I wonder if the power we gained when we found the wonder of social media, rather than democratising and enriching the world we live in has instead enabled us to the mimic the abuse of power some of the rich and the wealthy and influential were already so well used to.
I really am an old judge wagging my finger, saying;
“A bit of politeness and respect wouldn’t go amiss here!”
I wonder how many people really do set out to damage and harm? I wonder how many people consciously think they are trying to destroy all that is good in the world? More and more I meet people with different beliefs and values; convinced they are in the right and that people who are different are their enemies; the epitome of all that is wrong. It makes me confused that they don’t realise that these, so called enemies, probably see them in turn as their own enemies.
I much prefer the sound of birdsong, the drying mudflats, Dash sniffing excitedly and the skeins of geese flying north overhead. I like to protect myself by hiding up here in my room with the hint of a breeze; a soft bed to lie down and write, with my lap top propped against my legs.
I like it when minds meet without needing to repeat cliches or battles all the time, though I am prone to them too. Last night Wendy talked about how many of her friends felt that the search for equality had given them a raw deal where they were not only responsible for the paid work but for the household too.
I said;
“We men have a lot to be blamed for! I wonder why we have never fulfilled our side of all this?”
And she said she was not sure of that; that blaming men and women was not helpful. She said that men had the highest suicide rates, died way earlier than women, often stopped seeing their children when marriages broke up, were collectively seen as rapists, patriarchs, struggled to have friendship networks, worked too hard; all these things. That it seemed to her that men were often even more unhappy than women were.
So sticking to the cliché I said
“But at least we could do our fair share of the family stuff?”
And she replied again, said as far as she could see, nowadays we did do that; pointed to me as an example; as cook, tidier, shopper, washer, cleaner and to many of the other men she knew who did just as much around the house as women.
Finally she said that the area women still had the greatest burden was in looking after the families emotional health; that they were always looking out for other people’s feelings and wellbeing; sorting the arguments, the insecurities, helping people feel good about themselves. That it was in the area of emotional wellbeing that women still had almost all the responsibility and that it was exhausting looking after everyone and not being looked after themselves.
“Why! Yes you are so right.” I said
“The children would never turn to me when frightened or upset and I wouldn’t have a clue how to help them; while putting a wash on or folding the clothes is easy to do and understand, I wonder why us men don’t grasp these things?”
“And how do you think boys are brought up?” Wendy asked
“When you were nine you were busy learning how to hide every emotion you had, not only from other people but yourself; it leaves a legacy, men need supported in this, need to learn how handle those parts of life.”
The conversation carried on; we talked about how men lose their friends when they become part of a couple. We talked about how James is already determined to be served and looked after and how Charlotte tries to ease the moments of tension; to do the helpful things.
I get lost in such thoughts. But I do know that I am happy up here in my room; that the birds are being very noisy as is their way and that soon it will be time to pick up the children from school and take them to their Nanna’s while I take Dash the dog for another walk in the park!! That is easy and clear to me: drop the family off, park the car, clip Dash to his lead; walk up and down for an hour and come back to pick up the family and ask how Nanna is? Then we will return home, I will make tea, Wendy will persuade the children to have a bath, to get ready for bed, I will open the whisky.
Yes! I know!
(Photo: Seaweed at Ardmore Point April 2021)